SAM_0146Obstacle racing presented a new chapter in my life. The first obstacle race was like eating dirt – that’s all I ate for the first 30 minutes of the race. I felt less excited than I thought I would.  I’d been training for a month thinking about this moment, just a month.  Go inside my head, and you could hear my thoughts screaming:

“fu$#%#%^^$$$…I’m going to die.”

I was lying when I yelled to one of our team members and said, “I got this.”

“You got this,” she shouted, “let’s run!”

And then it starts again…

“fu$%$$%%((((((&&***…I’m going to die.”

“Okay,” I said.  “Game on,” though in truth my rhythm was off – I was suffocating, now panting, and all I could hear were sirens.  My feet hurt like hell, like I was running in hell, like running on broken glass, and then coral.

In my 20 plus years of counseling addicts, we often referred to faulty thinking as cognitive distortions-thinking errors-which are inaccurate thoughts, which fuel then drive our emotions, behavior, and consequences.  These inaccurate thoughts are usually responsible for negative thinking and emotions.  I was there in my thoughts, intermittently, and I needed to “flip that script” or else…I knew what was coming next.

When I first started HiroBuilt I would wake up thinking, “…if my damn boss didn’t blow it, I would still have a secured job.”  Then I would add, “now everyone will think I’m a loser.”  In Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, the first part of my thinking is referred to as “blaming” – blaming other people for my situation or condition.  The second part of this statement is an example of overgeneralization – taking a failure at one event and generalizing the situation to myself and my entire identity.

What I needed to do quickly was change my “stinkin’ thinkin.”  When I finally challenged my thinking – screamed at it, yelled at it, negotiated with it, and refuted it – my breathing improved and the old thinking was replaced with more rational thoughts.

I started to run again.


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